5. Dead Fred - Pen Holder

Right, Said Dead Fred. It looks like he's been shot! The weapon, An HB pencil made by Staedtler! The murderer? All the clues lead to you, the reader! Who else could do such a hideous crime! Stabbed through the heart, and you're to blame, you give pencils a bad name.

4. Pull My Finger Fart Pen

Before anybody starts writing nasty comments on our blog about how pens aren't pencils, we'd like to stop you there. a pen is essentially a pencil for permanent use! Good luck rubbing out pen ink from a piece of paper! On the same note, good luck finding a pencil that farts! (one that isn't jammed up someone's arse, that's not a very nice novelty gift is it!)

3. Punch Pen

For once, by some absolute miracle, the government actually decided to spend our taxes on something useful! It turns out, that during 2000 and 2002, there were over a thousand pen and pencil related eye injuries (specifically puncturing the eye, I know, gruesome!). This is more than likely due to people flicking pens and pencils at one another in anger in the office! You don't want to be the one work managed to bling someone with such an innocent act! Instead, resort to a lesser eye damaging and blinding type of violence by punching them with this punch pen! Don't aim for people's eyes, though!

2. BiC Pen Lid Pen Holder

Did you know that worldwide, pen lids cause over 100 deaths annually? Despite what your mother warned you, people still chew on their pen lids, swallow them and die! Although, unless you have the throat of a pelican, good luck managing to shove this giant pen lid down your throat! Perfect for keeping your office desk tidy.

1. Jumbo Pencil

Got BIG plans for buying BIG novelty gifts this year, need something to write on your MASSIVE novelty gift list with? Then look no further! This GIANT pencil will let you make GIANT lists of CHEAP novelty gifts! This is one novelty gift that can help you organise what other office novelty gifts you've bought from our website, woah!